COVID-19 swab test experience
If you are here after reading my blog on the experience of testing positive, then you may already know that I’m COVID positive (at the moment of writing). If not, then now you know. This article is to give you an overview of my experience of going to the hospital to get my swab taken and to give you a pointer or two on what you need to know.
This was in fact the article I was planning to write first. But as the times have changed since then for me, the experience of being tested positive gained precedence.
I reached home from Mumbai on 17th July. Had been in room quarantine (actually floor quarantine since I had the luxury of taking a whole floor for myself) since then. Being the obsessive planner that my dad is, he had set up a whole system to avoid contact in any form. I will be covering the details of travel and quarantine safety measures in the next post. Here I am skipping straight to day 9 of my quarantine when I was first called for testing. “First? What do you mean?”. Yes first. I’ll get to it soon.
Yes, I can actually cover both travel and quarantine in a single blog. But it’ll be longer than you’d like (considering the average reading time for my last post was half of the actual reading time).
Exactly a week after quarantine, on 25th July, I got a call from one of the health workers who was constantly monitoring me. She asked me if I’ll be able to go for testing on 27th, Sunday. I agreed. Sooner I get tested negative, the better right (ahem, toxic optimism). I was advised to drive myself to test or ask someone home to drive me to test. The other option was to go on the Govt ambulance which will have a couple of other people with me (yea, one flaw in an otherwise near-perfect system. But refer to Lesson #2 on my previous blog “I tested positive for COVID-19. 4 lessons I’ve learnt so far” to know my views on this). Since we didn’t want to risk driving with my dad, we decided to hire a private ambulance.
Not to mention I have a driving license rotting away in my wallet. Yes, I can drive w̸e̸l̸l̸.
Heavy breakfast was served on Sunday (“what if it takes till noon and you get hungry?”). Ambulance came and picked me up on time. I was ready with my N95 mask and powerbank (essential for the millennial). I’m gonna do a little time skip now.
29th July, Wednesday – I’m back in the same ambulance, ready with my N95 and powerbank going to yet another hospital for the same test.
“Cut the drama already, we came to know how testing is like, not to watch an episode of Indian Coronatesting”. I completely agree with you, reader. That’s exactly why I’ve skipped to the actual testing now. You can drop off right after you know what you came here to know or linger a bit more for the post-credit scene (wish you had stayed for that post-credit scene when you had the chance eh?)
I was asked to report at 9:30 AM. Though I wasn’t expecting the testing to start at 9:30 AM, dad’s obsession with punctuality (a quality I inherited ~80%) made me do it anyway. There was a registration desk there, where 4 staff were seated, busy filling data in some sheet. I was told that they’ll call me in a while. There was just one couple who came before me and soon after, 7 more people joined. Though there were no strict measures to enforce social distancing, people were mostly compliant. I was for a moment content with the responsible citizens but it was short lived. Right when we were called for information collection, people began to form a not-so-socially-distant queue (BevCos have made mallus obsessively respectful of queues). I asked the people standing there to keep a distance, and people followed. A nudge is all it takes. After about 15 minutes, I was called to the desk and was asked questions like name, contact number, travel details, occupation etc. (which could’ve been done earlier over call, but more on this in another blog). And thus began the wait…
An hour goes by, and I’m starting to get a bit disillusioned. By now, there are around 20–25 people waiting to be tested. Had the testing started earlier, the accumulation would’ve been prevented. But I’m giving the system the benefit of doubt. Soon the tester (for lack of a better word) came inside the kiosk. There were two others wearing PPE kits outside.
For the uninitiated, the two common types of COVID tests are as follows (I’m keeping it as layman as possible. I’m a man of honour (except when I’m not) and despise Ctrl+C – Ctrl +V (except when I don’t):
1. Antigen test – using nose/throat swabs – tests whether you currently have coronavirus partying inside you
2. Antibody test – using blood – tests whether you’ve developed antibodies (which resist the virus and are party-poopers). Antibody test does not confirm whether you’re currently infected, only whether you’ve developed antibodies, which means you’ve contracted the virus at some point and have developed resistance.
Moving on, the 3-human-system works like this:
- PPE No.1 passes the surgical swab to the tester who’s nested inside. The same person collects the swabs and packs it together and sends it inside.
- The Nested tester holds your face in an angle conducive to taking nasal and throat swab. He/she then inserts it into your nose (I know the image seems scary, but it’s because it’s the cross-section of a half-cut face) and then your throat, collects the sample and passes it to PPE No.1 (I’m not objectifying, I’m just out of creative naming ideas)
3. PPE No.2 sanitises the protruding gloves and the surface after each person is tested
We were called in random order. My turn came, I went through the above process and was then given an OP form with the contact number to call to know the results. Now how did I feel while I was penetrated (may sound either scary or kinky based on how horny you are at the moment; your problem, not mine)?
- Nose swab – almost felt nothing, just a slight feeling of something going inside (hold your thoughts there, reader!)
- Throat swab – just a fraction of second when you feel that muscular contraction similar to when you feel like vomiting (pretty much the same as if you try to insert your finger deep inside your mouth)
And that was it. Done. I got on my ambulance and came back home to continue my quarantine till results come (again, for the rest of the story, refer to my previous blog on the 4 lessons I learnt so far being COVID positive – long story short, I tested positive).
Post credits: I almost forgot about this. If you survived till here, I’m glad. So what happened was the health worker who called me for test on Sunday was not aware that the district stopped testing on Sundays since the last 2 weeks. Unfortunate for her, the online portal was not updated. I expressed my disappointment without sounding mean to her. She sounded apologetic and genuinely concerned. After all, she’s limited by the system. It’s a vicious cycle.
6 min read. Not bad. Thought I’ll have to trim down after completing the story. Seems like I saved a few trimming minutes which can now be spent being unproductive.
Anyway, guess I’ll be seeing you in 3…2…1…
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