I tested positive for COVID-19. 4 lessons from what I’ve learnt so far.
Disclaimer: I’m asymptomatic and otherwise healthy. These are just my views on how we should look at this whole situation.
I still remember this conversation I had with a couple of friends on 8th February. The world was still out and about, pretty much oblivious of what the next few months (years?) have in store for them. The conversation went like this:
Guys, have you thought of coronavirus spreading like an epidemic and the whole world shift their focus from the petty issues and finally comes together to fight it? I don’t know, I can’t help but imagine it. And honestly, that did give me a slight hit of dopamine.
Before you label me as a sadist, the dopamine hit was purely due to 2 reasons:
- “World coming together” seemed like a very fancy concept to me — something we’ve seen only on screen so far. I was just curious how it’ll pan out
- Yea, I’m probably a sadist
Now, the world *ahem* has not exactly come together the way I imagined it would have. But hey, it’s not that bad either. There is collaboration, even though adulterated with the everyday politics. Part of me wanted to know how exactly it’ll turn out, curious as to how the world would deal with the “lemons” thrown at it in the form of a tiny little virus.
Anyway, July 31st, 2020 11:04 PM IST, I got a call from a police officer. The call went like this:
Him: Hello. I’m calling from the police. Can you tell me which date you travelled?
Me: 17th of July
Him: What was the mode of travel
Me: I flew from Mumbai to Cochin. From there, I hired a cab home. Been room quarantined since then.
Him: Were you in contact with anyone so far?
Me: No. No direct contact with parents. The only other place where I could potentially have come in contact was in the hospital when I went to test for COVID. I’ve been getting a few calls since evening asking for the same details. Can you tell me the reason?
Him: You will get a call from the hospital tomorrow. You’ve been tested positive. A considerable number of people tested positive from your district yesterday.
Me: Okay. Thanks for letting me know.
So that was it. I have seen articles on the internet with people saying “This was the darkest day of my life” and the likes. I felt nothing — not the kind of nothingness when you are blank, but the kind of nothingness when you feel perfectly normal. As someone who was closely looking at data and developments around the COVID world, I was in a sense expecting I’ll have to go through it some day or the other. The sooner the better. I played a round of Catan, and a couple of games of Rise of Nations (a crushing loss) before going to sleep like it’s any other day. So here’s lesson #1.
Lesson #1: Get comfortable with the idea of being tested positive, sooner or later
I think most of us are currently at a stage where some of your friends/family have tested positive. Remember a month or so back when it was just some distant relative or friends of friends? Or maybe another month back when it was just random people on the internet? Yea, like you, I’ve also gone through those stages one by one and now it’s come to the stage where I am that friend of friend for someone or that close family for somone. The point from here is, however much you may think that you are safe (yes, optimism is great only till it’s toxic optimism), there is a chance that you may contract the disease in the near future judging by how it’s spreading. Once you are comfortable with the idea of testing positive, you will be a lot less intimidated if and when you test positive.
Let me jump to the present for a moment here, for those who are thinking “get to the point, we’ve seen enough of this”. Unfortunate for you, there is no point I’m trying to make here, just a bunch of thoughts. At the time of writing, I’m currently sitting on my bed in COVID Ward VI at the hospital where I’m put. At the moment, the immediate future is unclear. The ideal scenario would be I test negative in a few days, I’ll be back home and life goes back to normal – the “New Normal”, not the normal normal. I’m asymptomatic so far but the 2 people I’m sharing the ward with (yea, not ideal I know, but there’s sufficient distance between the 3 of us) have mild symptoms. One has lost the sense of taste and smell since the last 2 days. The other has mild fever though both of them otherwise seem healthy.
Now, I’ve not interacted with anyone else other than my ward-mates but overall, people seem calm – must’ve come to terms with it by now. As much as people would like to complain, they seem to be trusting the healthcare system of the state which is being lauded all over for it’s amazing response to COVID. As I’m gaining a first-person perspective on it, I can share my two cents on it too as time progresses. So far, from my experience, it’s not been perfect, it has it’s flaws but overall, no major red flags. There has been moments of delight and a few moments of feeling slightly disillusioned. Which takes me to lesson #2…
Lesson #2: The system may have it’s flaws. The responsibility to fill in those gaps lies with you.
I know it sounds ironical coming from me since I am COVID positive. But I can confidently say that I’ve been cautious (not obsessively, but to a large extent). There are definitely things I could’ve done better – I could’ve skipped those couple of trips to the supermarket to get cake back in Mumbai, I could’ve ordered things in bulk to decrease contact with delivery personnel. Yes, I could’ve done a few things differently. But I didn’t want to be obsessive about it since it was pretty sure that life will be like this for a foreseeable future now and you get tired of sanitising your vegetables one by one. Something I noticed when I went to test for COVID was that even when there is ample space for people to be as socially distant as possible yet. Yes, there was no system to ensure that but we are all socially responsible citizens perfectly capable of enforcing the rules without the external push. Yet somehow, a minority (yes, toxic optimism, I know) still choose to not do it.
The system is only as strong as its cumulative weak links. So wherever possible, ensure that your action does not inadvertently compromise the system which is already struggling to be on it’s feet. Take a moment here, look back at the things you could’ve done differently (I’m sure all of us have at least one such incident in mind) and do it differently the next time you come across it. Ultimately, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But do your part. We can all be little more than just a generation who stayed home sharing memes.
We are a privileged bunch of people. Yes, before you start thinking “you call this privilege? I’ve been stuck at home depressed for 43622185 days now, you insane prick!”, let me stop you. For the most of us, this is probably the most comfortable a crisis it can get. We are all home, mostly with our near and dear ones, on that one vacation which has stretched a bit too long. Huge respect to those people who are out there fighting most of the battle for us but the major chunk of us have it easy considering it’s a global pandemic. Compare that to a zombie apocalypse or an alien invasion. Feeling better now? Doesn’t matter. My idea here is not to make you feel better.
The thing with writing on the go is that you tend to get distracted and stray away from the point. This being my first Medium post, I’m also taking this opportunity to play around with these little preset formats to break the monotony at the same time kick myself back to the topic. Yes, back to main content now…
So the response I’ve received from the people who I’ve told so far have been broadly along these lines:
- “I think it’s a false positive. You should get tested again” – Anonymous Elephant
- “Why are they taking you to the hospital? Won’t you be more comfortable home. Try to pull some strings” – Anonymous Coyote
- “We did everything possible. People will think we weren’t careful enough” – Anonymous Mom
- And the regular “You’ll be alright. Don’t worry. Don’t stress.”
What I want to point out from this is that there is an inherent resistance we have against the proper functioning of the system. Yes, I miss the comforts of my 4 pillows while sleeping, but when the system tries to offer you what it can, do not resist.
I just changed the title from 3 to 4 lessons. Impromptu writing has it’s limitations but hey, as long as it gets the work done. I know you’re half bored already, so will try to keep lesson 3 and 4 as short as possible. Also, I should name this back-of-the-mind thought bubbles something. Inner self, maybe? Suggestions are welcome in the comments section (it’s not about audience engagement at all)
Lesson #3: Be an enabler to the system, don’t resist.
Irrespective of the faults in your system (and in your stars, of course), the system ultimately exists for the greater good. Inconvenience of one shouldn’t be a reason for resistance. There are people who’ve been working hard to put this process in place while you were busy swatting flies. Yes there are faults, it may be detrimental to the overall benefit in certain cases. That’s where Lesson #2 comes in. Scroll up a bit more, or read it again if you missed the point (again, it’s not about audience engagement at all). But overall, it exists for the benefit of the society as a whole and not just you. As Sima auntie rightly pointed out – compromise, be flexible.
Just one last bit before I get back to procrastinating (well, what else can I do now). This point is more valid in certain sections of the society where regular issues generate a social stigma. I’ve heard of cases where COVID positive patients are treated like outcasts even after they test negetive. Yes, keep your distance but be in general nice to people. I’ve not been subject to it (yet), but I’m assuming it may happen in some form sooner or later. Which takes us to the last lesson..
Lesson #4: Break the stigma, be nice
Being COVID positive is not completely your fault (except when it is). You or someone close to you could be next in line. There is no point in telling people you should’ve done this or that. Yes there are a million things you could’ve done differently. But does that make a difference now? Be precautious but don’t obsess. Control the things in your control, but don’t stress too much. And normalise COVID. Whether you like it or not, it’s here to stay for sometime now. And the earlier you get in terms with it, the better it is for you.
It’s 10:30 PM now. Between all the calls and data collection and tracing, my flow was broken a few times. But here we are, at the end of this first blog post. As it is an evolving situation, I will be continuing this experience across a few more posts on my COVID Experience Series (need a better name, I guess) covering my end-to-end journey (not literally, I hope) – travelling during the peak of the pandemic, how it’s like to go for testing, etc. If you enjoyed reading this, do follow me so that I’ll get a reason to continue doing this. Guess I’ll see you again in 3…2…1…
If you liked reading this, check out my other articles on the topic:
